I Want To Do Too Many Things

Sometimes I feel like I have been bamboozled, tricked, deceived. I want to be too many titles, do too many things. And there are people eveywhere who say that I can, without the disclaimer. Whenever someone has made some form of success their word of advice is always, “you can do anything you want to do, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise”. I rarely ever hear about all the shitty shit you have to do, and all the things you have to let go, the amout of discipline it takes to reach your goals. It always feels like you hear the positive end of it all. Leading me to believe that I have built up this fantasy world where I feel I can do anything and everything. A world that if I’m not trying to do anything and everything, that I’m some kind of failure, or rather someone who doesn’t know how to dream big.

Sometimes I think I add to the list of things I want to do because they act as distractions to the very thing I should be focusing on.

Why don’t I want to be good at just one thing? Is being good at one time an old way of thinking?

I really feel like I’m caught up. I see people doing things, shit I want to do, and I get all excited about life just to be right back where I was before. No where. I’m just another person living my life through other people.

I’m not actually doing anything. *gasp* Realization. Maybe I’m just too caught up with what’s going on around me. I need some blinds.

I know I’m not the only person who feels this way. I need serious changing.

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Educate Me Please

I have a question, but first a small story.

I remember when I was in junior high I slept over a friend’s house. I brought everything I needed, clean clothes, soap, towel, pillow, brush, and my jar of Blue Magic. I remember my hair grease being a true topic of discussion. She and her brother had never seen anything like it before. They smelled it, held the jar upside down, touched it. It was like they found some slimy creature at the beach.

I remember then feeling embarrassed by it, then mad, then I was fine. I thought to myself, well she’s acting appropriately, seeing as she doesn’t have to use it, she doesn’t have my hair texture. My friend was Spanish.

The other day I saw a graphic of a woman, she was in silhouette, she wore an afro, so we are assuming she was Black. She was dropping kicking some dude to the ground and there were big letters above the graphic that said “NO, YOU CAN’T TOUCH MY HAIR!”

At first I gave an agreeing nod to the graphic, like yeah that’s right. But then I thought about it and was like what, why am I agreeing? I remember as a small child, I use to play with my fellow classmates hair, most of who were Mexican. I remember at one time in my life I wanted their hair. And not because it was straight, but because I knew I wouldn’t have to go through the dreaded comb out.

I guess all things change as you get older.

What I’m asking is, why do I feel like I should be offended when/if someone ask me if they can touch my hair? How is it that we want people of other cultures to appreciate us or least respect us if we don’t let them in?

I remember when I had individual braids in my hair. I was in junior high, I went to a predominantly white school. I remember out of no where a kid asked how I got the braids in my hair. I mean imagine seeing someone with short hair and then the next they have braids down their back. I remember another kid shouted out loud “they glue them in stupid!” I laughed. Got mad? No. How were they suppose to know, why would they even really care to know? Of course I corrected them, but I wasn’t offended.

My boyfriend is Nigerian, and I ask him the most ignorant dumb ass questions imaginable, but it’s because I truly don’t know. Luckily he is not mister sensitive pants and gets offended. He answers my questions and doesn’t make me feel bad for my ignorance.

So if someone ask if they can touch my hair out of curiosity, I plan on letting them.

Now if I shouldn’t let them, educate me, tell me why I shouldn’t. Granted I’m not a petting zoo and I believe I’m old enough to discern whether someone is being malicious or not, but if they want to know, then shit why not?

And this goes on other issues, when do I stop being offended and just start educating people?

I don’t even think Black people know what they should be offended by anymore. I mean shit I don’t know.

I don’t want to be mad about this shit anymore. My hair? I mean come on. But if I’m wrong, kindly let me know.

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